Through Hell and Back Again, A Roadtrip tale by Lana Pewitt

We are home in Redding. I don't know how we made it here alive -really.

We left Friday morning at 330 am. When we got into Nevada we hit fog -really bad fog. Nothing went wrong for a few hundred miles. We hit snow. We were stuck in a line of traffic in snow 15 miles out of Reno. We were stuck there for almost 2 hours. When we finally started moving we counted 8 crashes, half of which were flipped and crushed. Leaving Reno was a disaster and we were starving and we were battling snow in a city we didn't know and tensions were getting high. We ate at the Waldorf Saloon and then we left. We had to exit the freeway and turn around to buy chains, the pass we wanted to take was closed for snow. Also, did I mention that our windsheild wipers weren't working? We didn't put the chains on right away and I was driving so slowly. Everyone was falling asleep but I kept on in the tracks of the truck in front of us. Suddenly everyone was stopping, my car wasn't however. I veered off to the right and then I kept going and was slowly turning around and going backward...down an embankment. We barely missed a metal pole and a telephone pole. I started sobbing. I could have killed everyone. Not even a minute later a man pulled up in a truck with a chain and pulled us out. We put on the chains and Matt drove for a long time. We were driving through snow from before Reno until Shingletown. (170 miles) The chains started to break and were whipping the car with each rotation of the tires. Eventually we just had to take the chains off. One was frozen and wrapped around the inside of the tire. Seth was up to his elbow trying to pry it off. I drove the rest of the way home. As soon as we were out of the snow we hit fog -again. Then we hit really hard rain (remember the wipers weren't working). We did eventually make it into Redding after the 11 hour drive had been extended to nearly 17 hours. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. I was worried the entire time we were driving and I was incredibly stressed.

We're here. We're getting married in 3 days. We're safe. We made it alive. I can hardly believe it.

Last Days

Today is my last day to get everything done before I leave Provo. I will be here tomorrow, but I'll be working all day so it doesn't really count. Today I need to:

Finish my Utah History final
Order my wedding flowers
Get an oil change
Fill my tires with air
Get my legs waxed
Get a pedicure with my dear friend Nicole
Grab the camera from Becky
Buy a photo album and print some of our engagement photos
Make special popcorn (a LOT of it) for the reception
Buy plates, forks, cups and spoons from Sams Club
Do laundry

I think that's it. Thats a long list... Good day. I'll be married in less than 6 days! Huzzah!

I've stopped looking at the countdown.

Is that odd? I've got too much to do. I'm really just one half-arsed whim away from saying "To Hell!" with my Family History project and taking a C in the class. I'm almost there.

Also, it may be because things are actually happening now. I'm going through the temple on Tuesday. I've got my flowers figured out and almost ordered, I'm almost done with school, I'm making money, etc. Things are happening so the countdown is irrelevant? I don't know. But 16 days isn't very far away.

I wish I could write a happy post...

Let me think, what good thing has happened to me lately? uhm, I got charged a $90 deposit for our B&B in Rome The Vatican. Good that we have the place, bad that that money is gone.

Matthew is a gem. I'm thankful for him. He doesn't run screaming when I come home from school crying every day. He just tells me it will be alright and hugs me.

It's getting progressively harder to stay in my classes. I HATE them. Every single one. I can barely force myself to sit through them. And they require so much of me -not just going to class. I have a never ending- Honestly NEVER ENDING- pile of projects and papers and research and reading to finish. I HATE IT. I want to quit. I want to cry to my teachers and tell them I can't do it all.

In 4 weeks I get to go to the Temple. In 4 weeks I will be done with everything but finals and the wedding. 4 weeks. 4 weeks.


I can do it... (?)

This has been me this past week (and most of the semester)

http://hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/2010/05/sneaky-hate-spiral.html

I can't take it

I don't like scary movies. I like some movies that are creepy but end well or have a great twist that nullify the former creepiness, but I do not like scary movies. I try to like them, heavens knows why. Matthew loves them, and I wish I could be there for him. But I can't. I'm too sensitive. I still cry when I think about The Shining. Matt says he'll save the really scary movies for when we're married so I wont have to go to bed alone afterward. I really don't think that will solve the problem. It is inevitable that I will at some point be alone and when that happens, the scary scenes will visit me...

Now, I do love Halloween, though. But I love Hocus Pocus, and Halloweentown, and Casper, and Sleepy Hollow, etc. I love the Happy Halloween movies.

I tried to watch The Omen with Matt tonight. I got half-way through before I asked him to turn it off. We spent the rest of the evening watching Nicolas Cage montages and the end of City of Angels. I feel a little better now.

I wish I could like scary movies. But they are just too real for me, and they stay with me for YEARS! I'm too sensitive and impressionable -but I don't really mind, in fact I kind of like being sensitive.

Utilities

I am NOT OK with how much utilities cost me this month for many reasons.

1. They did not cost this much during the winter when the heat was on.
2. I'm NEVER EVEN HOME!
3. There are only 4 of us in this house. Why is the electricity bill so high? WHY?!

Why am I sick?

I'm sick. It started on Sunday. I have a persistent headache and nausea almost all the time. I barely eat and when I do it usually gives me a headache. I can't move too quickly or, headache. I can't look at something quickly or, headache. Today my sense of smell seemed heightened to an unearthly degree. I walked into work and smelled raw eggs. I could smell them on the counter. There wasn't a spill of them. Maybe someone dropped a bit of egg on the counter yesterday. I could smell everything. And it was awful. It made me really nauseous and I threw up a few minutes later -good thing there was nothing to throw up but BILE! ugh.

Is it the stupid birth control I started taking to help regulate my delicate stuff? Is it that stupid car ride that made me so sick? Did that somehow throw off my inner ear balance thing and now I'm sick? Is it because the Vijgebooms and LaVelles all had the flu the week before I visited them? Is it some monstrous combination of the three?

All I know is that I'm sick. And I can't even work. I tried. I stayed at work 2 hours after throwing up before I thought I would pass out. But I need these hours, which means I need to get better quickly.

I'm going to curb stomp this birth control if I don't start feeling better soon.

The Big Decisions

One minute you are incredibly excited and tantalized by the possibilities that come from big decisions that change your whole life, and then the next minute you're scared out of your mind about making those decisions and moving forward into that whole new life. I wonder, when it comes to big life decisions, will you ever feel completely ready for the change?


(ps to those wondering, NOT engaged. Not even close, so don't worry.)

Mind the Snow, it's nearly May you know.

it's the end of April. But it's snowing. It's snowing. IT'S SNOWING! Not hard, mind you, but who ever heard of snow at the end of April? Last week it was in the 80s. I'm just worried about my poor little garden. I have so much planted in my little plot of earth and I do not want any of it to die. I'm going to stretch trash bags over them tonight so they can try to keep warm and keep the snow off.

No offense, but...

Does anything nice ever come after that intro? More than anything else, it seems to be an excuse to say something rude. You may not mean to offend the person, but you certainly mean to say something that should offend them.

No offense, but you are so blankety blank.

What if I told you a joke in French? If you don't speak French would you enjoy it? Would you catch the humor that is embedded in francophone equivocation or French incongruity? Would it seem rude if I expected you to enjoy the joke as much as I do?

Tu ne sais pas? Tu ne comprends le blague? Moi, je le comprends, mais, je ne tu comprends pas quelquefois.

If you don't speak my language, you may not appreciate my jokes. If I don't appreciate your jokes, I may not speak your language. You may find it humorous, whereas I may be offended or fail to see the humor.

We all have an access point. One thing may not seem like a 'big deal' but maybe it's a smallish deal: a smallish deal that pricks where we are weakest.

I try to understand you. Request: Try to understand me as well. We can meet halfway.
My back is starting to hurt from bending over for you.

Measure of Character

So, I hate my job. I was talking to my dad yesterday and he gave me a little piece of wisdom:

Anyone can learn how to do something they enjoy. The true measure of character is learning how to do something you hate.

So I've decided to stick out my job. It pays really well (for Provo standards) and the work isn't that hard, it's just not very enjoyable. Plus, this isn't a career choice, it's just a summer job to get me through school next fall and winter.

Paige thought I was making a "whiney" blog post, so I'll add some whine, just for her. Does anyone else HATE econ? I think the principles of it are really interesting, but honestly I'm DONE with this semester (I've been this way since the first week). Only 4 more weeks of school and then I'm free of econ forever (or until I have to take History of Economic Thought next winter...). Right now I'm living for 1. The next four weeks and finals to be done, and then 2. Mexico!

whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine (just for you Paige.)

Unemployed

Thursday evening I got fired. The reason? Not following a rule I never knew about. Someone called in to complain, and instead of talking to me about the issue and telling me how we're supposed to do it, my boss sent in a spy to see if I was doing my job right. And of course, because I wasn't aware of the rule, I did it wrong. So the little spy trotted back to Big Brother and two days later I was fired. Big Brother claims I was informed of the rule, but I was not. It was never made clear to me. And now? Now I have no job.

sick ...again

This is me right now. Matthew did this to me (so I'm wiping my snot on his sweatshirt). I edited the color so you can't see how red and raw and sore my nose and upper lip is. And there's no way to convey through photo how my head feels like lead, I perpetually feel like i need to sneeze (but I don't until my body can't stand it and I rocket myself backwards in a superpowered thrust). The poor people who came into work tonight probably thought their food was going to be contaminated with my disease...Want to know the grossest part? I've been blowing my nose like crazy, every minute or so, but I can't seem to control the flow. Even when I was taking this picture I didn't feel anything and then a tear of snot ran down my upper lip. Disgusting. I know. I did the only thing I could do after a day of battling this: I guzzled some Nyquil and rubbed Vicks all over my chest and nose.

Why does Matthew get a measly baby cold and then when I get it it incapacitates me? Not fair.

Internet Doubled

The price of internet doubled this month... I guess the starting service discount expired last month.

Life is too expensive for someone who has to pay for school and rent and food and gas and barely works 18 hours a week...

I cannot get ahead. It doesn't matter how hard I try to budget, something always comes up and my credit card bill slowly increases. I'm trying so hard to get it to zero, luckily rent will decrease by $100 a month starting in 2 months for the summer.

On top of worrying about school costs, I have actual school to worry about. I know life will never really slow down, but I'm really struggling trying to keep up with everything. I'm not getting good grades because my classes are really hard, and I barely have a spare minute. I skipped going to observe at Provo High today so I could have a minute to get everything done -or how about a minute to even eat?

I'm stressed about school. I'm stressed about money for school. I'm stressed about not having enough hours at work, and even if I could get more hours could I fit them in? What else would I have to cut out? I barely have time to sleep more than 6.5 hours a night. My face is breaking out like crazy (no amount of salt that I could cut out from my diet will remedy this, mom). I have to actually stop and do nothing every now and then to rebound.

Thank Goodness I have my roommates, and my wonderful boyfriend to keep me sane. Honestly there are extra hours that I could devote to studying, but I would definitely overload then. College is supposed to be like this, I'm told. I don't need to travel anywhere. I just need more money. And I'm lucky, I go to a relatively inexpensive university, but my goodness. I feel stretched very thin.

must... stay... awake...

need to finish econ... kill me... all the work... so little recognition... i'll probably fail this class... too bad it's a requirement for my major... curse my love of social sciences...

Why can't I get a loan?

Why is it so hard to get a loan?

I can't qualify for a Private Student Loan because I make less than $12,000 a year, and my mom has bad credit so she can't cosign.

I spent an hour on the phone trying to get a personal loan through Wells Fargo, and when I was finished I was declined, and of course the "personal banker" was not at liberty to tell me why.

I never qualify for Federal Aid because my mom's husband makes too much money, but guess what? I never see a penny of that money, so I'm NOT receiving income from my EFC.

My only option is for a Stafford Loan, but that means I have to spend hours filling out the FAFSA and that money can only be used for BYU.

I was given an opportunity to go to India with the Walden Charter School. I would have received practicum credit and a good rapport with that school in case I wanted to apply for a job there someday when I graduate, not to mention good life experience.

Now I don't know what I can do, and I have a headache, and I'm not going to India. And, I'm penniless, so I have to get a loan somehow. I may have to not go to school this summer and try to make a lot of money just working non-stop to pay for school, because my school money is absolutely gone.

It gives me sad feelings

I hurt someone's feelings today. I didn't want to, but I also didn't want to be with him. I'm very sorry. He doesn't even want to be my friend anymore. I did the right thing, because it would have been unfair to be with him if I didn't want to be. But it hurts me a lot. The worst part is, this is the second time I've done this to him. He wont forgive me. But I'm still very sorry.

Yesterday took a strange turn when I told Gloria that I got a new job and she fired me on the spot. I feel bad about it. Why? I hated that job. She was not a good employer. I couldn't give her a full two weeks notice, and for that I feel bad. But honestly, she could have used me for the next few days, right? Instead she just yelled at me and threatened me... just like old times.

Living for next Wednesday

I feel stretched to my absolute limit for homework. I've had so much required of me this semester that I'm very ready to just quit. I don't sleep well, I'm always preoccupied with some other assignment or test or project or presentation or paper. Let me tell you about papers. I've written nearly 20 of them this semester. I'm so sick of writing papers. Right now I am working on a Geography research paper -talk about boring. Then I have another small assignment for Anthropology due on Friday, and a HUGE Anthropology paper due on Monday (Previously Friday, so I'm nearly done, but it will still require a lot of effort from me.) Stressed out. Completely pushed and pulled and stretched to my mental and physical capacity. I need Thanksgiving break like I've never needed anything else before in my life. Tennessee you will be a long awaited and well deserved reprieve.