17 October 2008

Why Try?

I'm what you might call a Jack-of-all-Trades. I can do almost anything I set my mind to, but just barely adequately. I can knit, crochet, sew, sing, dance(ballet), play piano, cello, guitar, ride horses, play tennis, cook, write, paint, draw, etc. But I'm mediocre in all these areas. I used to fancy myself a good student. Straight A's. Even in advanced classes. I got into a fairly good school on grades alone. And here I am, a mediocre university student. My mom tells me I'm smart, and I know that comparatively, I am, but I am so tired of being mediocre. I do not excel in anything. I used to use my excellence in school as a comfort for my mediocrity in all other areas. Now I can't even have that. And I know that I don't try as hard as I possibly could, but I never had to before and I'm not used to it. And in keeping with tradition I do moderately well, I don't exert myself and I get pretty good grades. They aren't usually up to my standards but I have learned to deal with that. This semester I am taking a history class. I absolutely love it. I never miss a day. I read the assigned material and take notes, which is a big step since I never take notes in class. Today was the midterm. I studied. I went to the review session. I studied more. I never study! Ever! And I studied. I learned the material. I know it. I can talk for hours about all the things that I have learned. I was very, very prepared. The test was easy. I knew almost all the answers. There was only one question that I didn't know. There were only four that I was unsure of. I never feel so confident in tests. I finished the 100 question test in 40 minutes and I was almost skipping out of the testing center. Then I saw the Scoring Board. 86% Somehow I missed 14 questions! How did this happen?! I was much too prepared for this test. I was much too confident in my performance for this to be true. I did that well on my french test which was much more difficult. How could I do so poorly?

When I try I'm mediocre. When I don't try I'm mediocre.  Why should I try then? I'm sick of being mediocre.

Plus, I can't get my skin to clear up to save my life. 


The Coatney's said...

oh, this made me feel sad to read. you're not mediocre. maybe you just haven't found your calling yet. plus, i'm amazed at all the things that you know how to do and do well. you are fantastic at balancing a million things and being able to accomplish them all. there's a book called "the OK book" by Amy Krouse Rosenthal & Tom Lichetenheld. I LOVE reading this book to my kids. Try to see if you can get your hands on a copy. It's excellent and might be just what you need and will only take you two minutes to read it. love you.

Rebeccah Louise said...

some of us are just cursed with zits and Bs.
You are wonderful, and I love you. You don't need to be perfect, even if you feel like you should be, but there's no reason not to try, right?

Rebeccah Louise said...

to clarify: if you were wondering above where I wrote Bs, I meant B s, like the grade.
Not BS like the disease that Maybe pretends to have.

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